A few notes.
Dear Lady at the Bagel Place,
I did not ask you for a chocolate muffin with cream cheese. I asked you for a chocolate cream cheese muffin. You misheard me. No big deal, except that you then said, several times, that you didn't understand why someone would want a chocolate muffin smeared with cream cheese. I do not understand that either. That is not what I ordered. You made that up in your head.
Best wishes,
Shannon
Dear Lady at the Cell Phone Store,
Shrugging only communicates nuance if you are a trained mime. You do not appear to be one. Look into words.
Yours,
Shannon
Dear Guy at the Gym,
Yes, I can see you. Both in the mirror and in real life. Stop it.
Smooches,
Shannon
Dear Everyone in the Weight Room at the Gym,
I understand the need to rest between reps. I do not understand how one might get confused and just sit on gym equipment that other people are waiting to use. Or, worse yet, have a conversation with someone while just hanging on on the bicep machine. Stop it.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Dear Grandparents Walking Up Garfield Place Along With Your Grandkids,
I celebrate your time together, and am so glad you live close to your grandkids and/or they are visiting you since school is out. I do not mean to terrorize you by walking too close to you. However, I hope you do realize, I did not get my suitcase, bag of books and laptop and purse out in order to stroll up a hill in Park Slope in 80% humidity. I am quite sorry, but I am in a hurry to get to the subway. Thanks.
With all best wishes,
Shannon
Dear Megabus,
You are cool inside. You are not crowded. You have free wireless. We drove through Harlem. I was able to nap. I think I am in love. Will you marry me, Megabus?
Yours 'till Niagra Falls,
Shannon